yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
