i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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