areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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