Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
