I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
