My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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