I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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