i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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