Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
