If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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