I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
