At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
