the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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