I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
