What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
