I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
