I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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