that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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