I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize