tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
