Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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