I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize