I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
