so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
