You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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