I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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