Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
