The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
