wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
