shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
