You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
