Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
