I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
