So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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