My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize