So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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