It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
