I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
