Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
