I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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