Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
