i just had sex bonerless
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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