So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Bring me that man meat
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
