My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
