Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
