just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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