some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
