Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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