I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
