she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
