4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wanna go halves on a baby?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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