I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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