Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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