girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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