Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
