So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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