i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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