My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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