I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize