OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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